Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
