so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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