I hate your face
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
