look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
