cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
