No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
