New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
