Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
