I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
