there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
