just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
