She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
