dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
