it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
