"it" just moved
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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