I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
