Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
