I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
