I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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