if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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