I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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