Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
