glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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