And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
