Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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