Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
