Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
