weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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