please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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