it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
