You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
