So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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