Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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