Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We are two peas in an std pod
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
