why didn't you poke me back
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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