Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's just like the Real World with babies
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
