this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
