I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
