I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
