did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
