I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You left your phone here
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Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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