My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
