she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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