I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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