made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
