Whod you bang
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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