At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
