I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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