New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
