And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
