That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
