you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
