clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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